Flourish when you should be falling

View on a recent hike with the Engineer

How strange that today’s ‘daily prompt’ from wordpress is “flourish”. It’s a good word for what the last few weeks – unemployed and not even an interview yet – have been for me.

This week has gotten me down, really feeling like a failure who can’t get her head together with this job search. There are so few roles; there is no feedback when I get the “unfortunately, you have not been successful….” email; there is, also, no plan B. I have to get a job.

So today, to shake my self out of the rut, I went for a jog. And it made me realize that I kind of am flourishing…..

I’ve been walking a lot recently, just to get out of the house, but normally I go just for a 20 minute jog or so (and then lie down and die, obviously). Today, I jogged for 50 minutes. 50 MINUTES! I’m slow as an arthritic snail, but holy moly – I’ve never jogged for over 30 minutes before in my LIFE.

So barring my heart-rate training watch messing up and giving me an extra 20 minutes (believe me, I checked, I seriously thought it was a mistake), I am fitter right now than I’ve ever been in my life. Unemployment sucks but I guess not for my cardiovascular heath!

Which got me thinking of other ways I’ve been flourishing in this enforced time off. I’ve been painting again for the first time in years. I’ve learnt to make pasta and bread from scratch. I’ve de-grouted the shower (yay?). And I’ve been writing – this blog, and short stories, a novel. And reading and learning from other bloggers. Thing is, even if none of this goes anywhere – I’ve somehow, without realizing how, created these very full and weirdly meaningful days. On Saturday last, the Engineer and I were driving to go on a hike when I got an email with a rejection (seriously, on a Saturday folks?). I threw the phone back in the car, shrugged, and we walked for a few hours through the beautiful Dandenongs in Victoria – and I actually didn’t give the job a second through, just being in that beautiful place.

Don’t get me wrong, I want a job – I like to be busy and I love the work I do. Plus money is handy for eating. But in between applying for things, gosh darn it if I don’t feel the most creative and fulfilled I can ever remember.

Week two of being unemployed in Melbourne

Righty-ho. Day Six. The Engineer left for work (slightly bleary eye’d after a 7 AM alarm clock), and lo, I have re-begun my search for fruitful employment. I’ve decided last week was a wash, and this week is the actual real start.

This week, I was determined to begin well, to set a schedule that maximized my job prospects, whilst respecting my physical and mental health. I also wanted some time to pursue a few dreams and hobbies. A healthy balance seems appropriate. (I may have read a bit too much information on surviving the job search over the weekend…….)

Timetable looked like this:

7 – half hour jog. Listen to inspiring podcast on mindfulness or some such.

730 – prepare lunch for the Engineer

8 – sit at desk to search for jobs. Background playlist – Mozart. For the intelligenceness.

12 – Pilates (note to self – figure out what Pilates is and how one pilates)

1 – lunch, probably of raw biodynamic salad, whilst listening to more soothing classical music.

2  – pursue other avenues of income – Airtasker, upwork, etc.

4 – other writing projects, such as this blog, or a short story on a brave princess who followed her dreams and came out on top. With good hair.

5 – prepare dinner

6 – meet Engineer at the door with a fresh Martini, with tasty stew bubbling in the background, and bright smile.

Witness my healthiness! Note this salad was had by my sister for lunch. I, well. I burrito’d.

The day has looked a little more like this…….

7AM. 20 minute jog, woo hoo!

730 Fall back asleep on couch as body refuses to accept the reality of the time of day, and the physical exertion.

9 AM wake up to post-it note on face saying ‘bye! I’ll grab lunch from the sandwich shop from Engineer.

930 – read job ads. Try not to cry. Turn on Metallica as you can’t cry to Metallica.

12 –  Eat lunch (burrito. Well, burritos, really. Biodynamic credentials uncertain) while watching episodes of Parks and Recreation.

3 – google ‘jobs in parks and recreations in Melbourne” .

6 – Engineer arrives home to find me in bed, reading, and refusing to move until the world promises to be nicer.

The following thoughts have characterized my day:

• Why are there so many jobs for accountants and architects?
• Wonder if there’s any chance a PhD in American history counts as ‘experience’ for jobs in architecture?
• Due to budget cuts, no one has any parks and recreation departments any more. This is sad.
• Thank god for Nespresso.
• Mindfulness suuuuuucks. In ‘this moment’, I’m unemployed, unsure of my career direction, have several blisters on my heel and the sounds of the ocean are making me have to pee.

Critical stats:

• Jobs applied for – zero
• Coffee machine espressos consumed – six
• Waves of existential dread – ten
• Hugs from the Engineer – unlimited, bless his heart.